Why in the hell are you outside my window at 4:23 a.m.? And why do you find it necessary to speak at the top of your lungs in a falsetto voice? At first I thought you were looking for your cat ("here kitty kitty!," "here Snowbird!"), but now I'm not so sure you even know what in the hell you're talking about ("hey darlin', hey darlin', hey darlin'!").
Your accent is annoying enough in itself, but the addition of the falsetto tone is especially hard to take. Do you realize I've been listening to your incoherent babble for the past hour as have the other dozens of people whose windows you're lurking outside of in this cramped residential neighborhood? They were most likely sleeping, dear drunken redneck, but I am awake and I've been listening to you for an hour now.
I thought about calling the police, but I don't want to waste my early morning hours talking to an officer, or making the unnecessary call to 911: "What's your emergency?" "There is a drunken redneck lurking outside of my window speaking loudly in a falsetto voice." "We'll send out an officer." (Time elapses, another hour, maybe two). The falsetto voice keeps on. Dear drunken redneck, be glad I do not own a firearm. (Please just pass out already!)
Your pal,
1 comment:
hilarious!!
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