Dirty Skanks!

No, I'm not going where you think I am with this one. I entered a swap on swap-bot called "Dirty Skanks." The coordinator of the swap made a typo and it stuck. She meant to say "Dirty Shanks." Dirty Shanks are cards that look pretty, but the message is quite the opposite. HERE is the official blog if you'd like to learn a little more history and see some examples.

When I signed up for this swap I jumped right in and became addicted. I was pissed at the time, so insults were flowing pretty easily in my mind. My original shanks say:

"I would tell you to go to hell, but I'm already there and don't particularly care for your company."

"Trick or Treat! Please give me the apple WITHOUT the razor blade, scary old lady."

"Bon Voyage! Please don't come back."

"Happy Birthday! I thought you'd be dead by now."

"Everyone knows you lie about your age."

"Many Thanks! For Nothing!"

And a saying I had seen before was also incorporated into one of my cards:

"If we were running for our lives together during the zombie apocalypse, I'd trip you."

I found making these to be very therapeutic. You get to make something pretty, but offensive or sarcastic at the same time! What could be better? I'd love to hear what your card(s) would say! (Sorry I didn't post pictures, but I'm tired and lazy. I couldn't resist sharing my insults though.)

I Just Have To Let This Out

WARNING: If you want a "good read" or a "happy post" don't delve any further. This post is purely my selfish attempt to make myself feel better by getting some things off my chest. Why not write it down in your private journal you ask? Perhaps it will benefit me (remember the words "selfish attempt") or someone else if it's made public. Perhaps it won't.

The past two days, I'll round it up to three, have been absolutely bizarre to say the least. I can't sleep or eat. My mind is completely clogged with so much bullshit that I've failed to be productive (in a creative sense). Anyone who knows me knows that productivity in any other sense of the word has not been my strong suit for several months since I got the ax from my employment with the government. I've put the bitterness behind me, but the job hunt is pure hell! Everything is computerized, so I have no clue if human resources has even considered my dozens of applications or resumes. My honesty about past bad behavior on a job is most likely frowned upon in the realm of customer service (well the bitch was crazy and someone had to tell her). I'm pretty sure I can hold my tongue now. It was nearly 8 years ago so I hope I've matured to some degree. How do I explain to a computer that I've maintained my composure and was even polite to pedophiles and child abusers in the last job I had for over 7 years? The blank they give to comment isn't quite big enough.

I've apparently lost a friend and since my attempts to contact him are being blatantly ignored; I have absolutely no clue what I did to deserve this treatment. Yesterday afternoon, a member of my childhood community was murdered during what I believe was a robbery. Although I hadn't seen him in well over a decade; it has really torn me apart. I'm so foggy that I can't focus on the positive aspects of the past hour let alone the other wonderful things that have transpired over the past 48 to 72 hours. I've reconnected with several friends, perhaps made some new ones, my shop was nearly cleaned out by parents who ended up making their little girls very happy with gifts of jewelry. Despite all these awesome things I feel completely alone. I don't feel I have anyone to vocalize my feelings to so I'm spilling my guts (most of them anyway) to a machine. Please don't perceive me as rude, because I do appreciate written comments, but it is not the same as being able to share the good and the bad by spoken word with another human being. Old friends are busy with their families and new friends have been made via the internet and live thousands of miles away. I can't reach out to the members of my family because I express my emotions with words and tears which makes them uncomfortable. I don't blame them for it; we're just different. To sum it all up, I'm lonely and I'm just going to have learn to deal with all this somehow on my own. I've been through far worse, so I don't doubt I'll pull myself out of this hell, but it really feels shitty at this particular moment.

If I Were A Zombie . . .

I'd get no love . . .


edited by Sugarlishes

Honest Scrap

First off, I am an idiot and it often takes me a long time to catch on. I was browsing through comments on my blog today and came across the screen name "Yahán Nabih" which I have encountered many times before in previous comments on my blog. It was only today that my dumb ass realized that this is none other than my dear friend Alejandra (a.k.a. Ale)! Ale is from Mexico, and I met her on Cut Out + Keep, a crafting community, nearly a year ago. Though we are separated by thousands of miles; I consider her one of my best friends. In the comment that sparked my "Ah ha" moment, she mentioned that she had nominated me for the "Honest Scrap" Award. So thank you my dear Ale. I love you!

The object of this is to list 10 honest things about yourself, to invite eight other bloggers, and mention the blogger who selected you.

HONEST THINGS ABOUT ME

1. Like Ale mentioned on her list of honesty, I'm a huge procrastinator. I will most likely always find anything else to do other than what I should be doing. Yes, I'm procrastinating now. (I inherit it from my father).

2. I have been holding onto the hope that a hopeless relationship that ended nearly a year ago will rekindle and I'll live happily ever after. A good friend set me straight last night, and I'm forever grateful for his honesty. Love you, Sala!

3. I am a horrible housekeeper! My bedroom currently looks like a frat boy's room minus the booze, illegal drugs, and well . . . the frat boy.

4. I have a huge crush on a guy who I've only conversed with on the internet. The meeting was not via a dating site, but purely by coincidental circumstances. He lives far away, thinks I'm nuts, but I can't help but adore him.

5. I cannot make myself watch videos on YouTube. Maybe it's laziness. Perhaps it's my ADD. If a friend insists I do so I become highly irritated.

6. I have a phobia of the grocery store. My parents occasionally provide me with groceries. Otherwise, it's heart clogging fast food.

7. The only thing I use my oven for is baking polymer clay and the stove top is sometimes used to boil water. I don't cook.

8. I have no idea what I want to do with my life career wise. Doing something creative would be ideal, but let's face it; that typically doesn't pay the bills.

9. I more than likely cannot have my own biological children. I've been pregnant twice by a long-term boyfriend in my early and mid-twenties. I had two ectopic pregnancies, lost some organs, nearly died, etc. I used to be terribly torn up about the prospect of not having children of my own. Then I experienced the terror that is my niece!

10. I've had way too much coffee today and must take a bathroom break before I mention my 8 victims. (Well that's honest. Maybe not what you'd wanted to hear, but honest nonetheless).

As for the 8 "victims," they may chose to do this or can punk out. Just kidding! Many of the bloggers I follow write about subject matter purely dedicated to their craft or are just way too busy. I will invite the following eight ladies to join in if they choose: (I apologize if I'm duplicating invitees).

Sugarlishes

Maya

Brandy

Traci

Theresa

Casey

Courtney

Holly

I Want It!

Internet window shopping is about all I can muster these days, considering my lack of income. One of my tweeps, JMKit, has some kick ass shirts out now that I must have. I immediately fell in love with the new "Dead Cute" line. Here is the shirt I'm lusting after (*coughs* size Medium *end cough*).


So feel free to throw your spare change into my PayPal donation "bucket" to the right, indulge in a random act of kindness, or just do it to selfishly inherit some good Karma on down the road ;) If you must have one for yourself (many other styles and images are available), click HERE.

A Treasury!

I just found out that one of the items in my shop, the cotton candy necklace, is featured in an Etsy treasury! YAY! I'm not sure how long this link will work because I don't know how long this treasury has left before it expires. I'm so excited! craftedbylindy, who has an awesome shop which you should check out, created this treasury. Thank you, Lindy! I feel so honored :)

P5 Swap

Partners for the Cut Out + Keep P5 Swap were announced last night and I am paired up with my good friend, Sugarlishes! In this swap, each person lists 5 themes that their partner must draw inspiration from to craft 5 items. Sug chose the following themes:

1. zombies
2. True Blood
3. Doctor Who
4. Anime
5. RPG

Numbers 2-5 are subjects that I know nothing about. I'm a huge zombie fan, but was already in the Zombie Swap with Sug as my partner earlier in the year, so I'm slightly tapped out when it comes to ideas. I did my research on all the themes of which I was ignorant. I requested assistance for zombie craft ideas from Stuart Conover of BuyZombie.com, so now I have ideas for all the themes. I almost finished one project early this morning. Unfortunately, I will not be able to post my projects or elaborate on my plans because Sug is a faithful reader of this blog (and I don't trust her not to peek). The only thing I will say is that the theme I crafted last night was Doctor Who. I'll post pictures after Sug has received her package.

Sug Gone Wild!

My good pal, Sugarlishes, has been on an Etsy listing binge today! Bows, necklaces, and earrings! Oh my! Check out her shop, Sugar-Coated Chaos to see her great new items! Here is one of my favorites from today, and I don't wear bows!

Why I Love My Friends

I received this from a friend today.

Self-Realization

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything. -Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

This quote used to offer me a certain sense of comfort. No matter how bad things became; I still had possibilities. Recently the same quote has left me in a state of utter confusion. What the hell does "everything" mean? Exactly what more do I have to lose before I can reach the all too elusive freedom which will enable me to "do anything." I'm no idiot. I realize that I've been pulling each and every word apart in an effort to keep myself imprisoned.

Although my life has truly sucked for the past seven years; I felt secure in my existence. I earned my degree. I found a career that I believed was worthwhile. I was able to afford a home and a car. I was also fooled into thinking I could afford a vast array of what I now understand to be worthless shit. The sense of security I had was a farce. The degree: a piece of paper documenting wasted time. The career: while my goal was to make society a safer, kinder place; the goal of the jackasses I worked for was purely self-preservation. The loss of my career delivered me to a place worse than hell. A place I thought I'd never escape. I'm finally discovering that if I don't pick myself up immediately; I'm going to die! Perhaps not in the literal sense of the word, but isn't the death of one's spirit far worse than one's physical demise?

I'm through dwelling on the senseless bullshit that led to the loss of my "career." Bitterness will help me accomplish nothing except revenge. I'm no longer going to allow pride get in the way of me searching for a "job" so I can subsist without the aide of my parents. Most importantly, I'll no longer allow myself to use my mental illnesses as an excuse for not living up to my full potential as the human being I desire to be. I'm 31, but I have no clue as to "what I want to be when I grow up." All I know is who I want to be. I want to be a person who strives to make the world a safer, kinder place. No career is going to help me reach this goal. It's completely up to me now. This is the freedom that has eluded me for so long. I'm grateful to have finally come to this self-realization. Yes, it scares me and is going to be one hell of a ride, but it pales in comparison to what I've already endured.